step 01 // narrow your playing field
step 02 // don’t victimize yourself
step 03 // make yourself a priority
step o4 // get away
step 05 // put down your phone
step 06 // break routine
step 07 // go to church
step 08 // share the care
step 09 // wait
I have been thinking about this post a lot. It is a step that many will find to be extreme, black and white, or unfair, and maybe I think that it is a bit too. But I also think it holds some wisdom. I think that’s why I’ve saved it for one of the last steps.
Waiting is one of the hardest things for us, the human race, to do. We hate it. It drives us mad. And yet, there’s that saying, “good things come to those who wait” that begs to suggest that waiting isn’t such a bad thing. And if you think having a baby is going to ruin your life, I would like to suggest that waiting is exactly what you should do. And by waiting I mean abstinence. And by abstinence I mean no sex. And by no sex I mean…no sex.
Yep. I said it.
Before I explain myself further, I would like to first say that I am in no way moralizing sex here. Do what you do with whom you do and follow the traditions and convictions that compel every other aspect of your life. Preface over.
I am aware of two different audiences who regularly read this blog. One is probably really excited and cheering me on right now. The other is either mockingly laughing at me, yelling at me, completely pissed off or left the sight a few sentences ago when they saw the words “no sex”. To the former I will say, don’t pigeon hole me just yet! To the latter, please, just hear me out.
Now, I would like to ask a question. If you are convinced that having a baby will completely ruin your life, then why are you having sex? Don’t you know that SEX MAKES BABIES? It’s like fighting fire with fire. Yes, we have contraceptives that work well but not 100% of the time. We all know someone or know of someone who was religiously taking the pill, on several forms of birth control, or always used protection and still ended up getting pregnant. If there’s anything we can learn from the major motion picture, Jurassic Park, it’s that life finds a way.
Ok, ok, the chance of getting pregnant when someone is using birth control is small. Maybe the small chance that your life could be ruined is worth it to you to make whoopie on a regular basis (that along with all of the other side affects of using a birth control pill). Most of us tend to think that accidentally getting pregnant will never happen to us or our partner. But what if it does happen to you? What now? You have two options: have a baby or have an abortion. We have already determined that you think the first choice will ruin your life, although adoption is a viable option after you’ve gone through all the hard work of having a baby and being socially stigmatized. But what about the second option? It would be really easy to terminate the pregnancy and move on. But the reality is, no matter which side you lean toward morally or politically, abortion is not without its own risks. I am pro choice, but I will say that most people never want to have to go through with having an abortion. It’s not fun. It’s invasive, there are potentially dangerous side effects and some women live with regret later in life.
Wouldn’t it be a whole lot less messy if you just took a cold shower?
Ok, maybe I’m being unfair. Maybe I’m not. But the real point I’m trying to make here is that there is wisdom to waiting until your more ready (you’ll never fully be ready). Put off marriage or a serious relationship a while. Go travel or something. Discover yourself (you can decide whether that is a pun or not). Focus on your platonic friendships and become a better person. That way, when you’re more ready, you can love someone better and fuller than you could before. And a baby will not ruin your life.